Hey Sweet Friends! I’ve known this post was going to be late all week. Up until moments ago, I had even been contemplating letting this week simply pass by quietly without a check in. With thoughts like, “Give yourself grace, Kathryn. This has been an “impossible to accomplish everything” week.” And while that is true, what is also true is I made a promise to you when we started out, so here we go…
So, are you ready for my news? My life-changing, can’t believe it is actually happening, how is God THIS sweet to me, news?
I am buying a house. I close in a week and a half and begin moving out of my rental immediately. Now, the fact that I just wrote that for all the world to read BEFORE it is a done deal feels very risky but also, somewhere in the whirlwind of this week, I landed on a thing my counselor and I really hashed out yesterday. Somehow, by my keeping all of this close to the vest, it has made me feel like if I DO share too much, I could jinx it. But truly, jinxing? Is that who I know my God to be? A jinxing God?
NO, of course not!
For some context, if you read Just Call Me Audacious, that big, bold, and audacious thing I asked for was a house. God has given me a very specific thing He has asked me to do and in order to do it, I needed a bigger space. He’s been getting me ready for this for over a year when He gave me Isaiah 54. Verse two specifically says, “Enlarge the site of your tent, and let your tent curtains be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your ropes, and drive your pegs deep.”
He asked me to be audacious and believe Him for a miracle, and I did, and He showed up.
There are things about this house that make me feel so seen by my Heavenly Father like a water filtration system. Y’all, the whole house has one! Every bit of water that comes out of every faucet or showerhead in the whole house has been filtered! When I tell you my crunchy, granola, essential oil loving heart feels so seen and cared for by the Lord! I would have never even thought to ask for that!
I heard the Lord ask me to be brave. I obeyed Him and He showed up, and now, everyone I talk to and share this news with congratulates me. It’s so strange. I find myself wanting to respond with, “Congratulations? For what? For obeying God? Please don’t congratulate me for that!” I know it’s just our way of entering into an experience with someone to rejoice with those who rejoice. It’s just another thing we say…but if you have been reading for any length of time you can just imagine what I think about that!
One of my friends, who I let all the way into this process with me, responded perfectly. She simply texted back with “Praise God!!!” Later that day she sent me another text that said, “I’m so freaking proud of you!!!!” She immediately gave God praise and then, after she ruminated on the goodness of God, she affirmed me.
Before I started this whole thing in motion, I told her my plan. I told her what I knew God was asking me to do and I told her how scared I was. I told her my rational and irrational fears but I also told her all about how sure I was that the Lord was in this and we dreamed together about all the Lord was going to do.
So when He showed up in so many details I wept with overwhelm because of His kindness, her response was perfect. Not a “Congratulations” but a “PRAISE GOD”! One intimates that I accomplished something and the other acknowledges that I wouldn’t have even taken the first step if He hadn’t told me to.
And the truth is, because He told me to and because I made it public and started getting my people to pray, with me, for a miracle, because of His very nature, He showed up and showed out.
Isaiah 54 continues to be a healing balm to my heart in verse 4 as it says,
“Do not be afraid, for you will not be put to shame; don’t be humiliated, for you will not be disgraced. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and you will no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood.”
And the start of verse 5,
“Indeed, your husband is your Maker – his name is the Lord of Armies – and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer.”
I am buying a house. The tent site will be enlarged and what started as a seed of an idea in the middle of a global pandemic will start to bloom. And while I have incredible people in my life who are excited to help me, and my God whose strength is made perfect in my weakness, here’s what I know to be true…I’m not going to be able to meet with you again until August. That fast and furious I told you about last time, I’m feeling that in my body this week and I need the permission to do one less thing until I’m settled into my new home.
In this space we can always be honest and while I am overwhelmed and fit to burst with God’s provision and kindness, what is also true is this process is A LOT. While I’m not doing it without support, at the end of the day, mine is the only signature going on all those loan documents.
Both can be true. I can be both grateful and terrified…tickled pink and nauseous green…excited and exhausted to tears. I don’t know where this meets you in your life right now but I hope you give yourself the grace and permission to feel all of your feelings, even if they are conflicting. Maybe even, especially if they are conflicting.
For those Sweet Friends who are waiting for something, who are believing God for something only He can do…hold fast.
Hold fast is a nautical term that has Dutch origins and translates to “Hold Tight”, in regards to holding securely to ship ropes and rigging, especially through storms. Merriam-Webster defines it as something to which something else may be firmly secured.
To be clear, the something we need to be firmly secured to is not the thing we are waiting for. Not the thing we are sure God promised us. Hold fast to God, the Promise-Giver, the Promise-Keeper, the one who makes us stronger while we wait. Everything else can be destroyed and can disappoint…but He never will.
Have a great rest of July, Sweet Friends! I’ll see you in August!
Thank you for being here.
Remember to take deep breaths.
And God has got us!